It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
