HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
