before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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