Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
