SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
