Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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