you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize