Plan B is the new Plan A
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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