Your dad touched me again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
