youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie