Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.