i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.