We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.