Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket