The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.