Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
