Screwed.edu
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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