dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just want to make out with him forever
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
