Sponge bath it is.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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