Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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