two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
