i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
