Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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