that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
