: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We have so much sex to catch up on
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
