Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
