After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
