I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
