Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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