am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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