my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
