Need sex. Gaining weight.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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