Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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