it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
