just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
