And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
