I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
