Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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