Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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