Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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