So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Mom said you looked used
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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