Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
