I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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