Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize