A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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