Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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