You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
