I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You are the jesus of drinking
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize