shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
