How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
