Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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