i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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