I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
