I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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