It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
