They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
