bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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