it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
