I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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