he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
