Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
