She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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