After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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