umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
